I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
