I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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