I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
