I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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