A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
