Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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