WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
