OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
True strength comes from lack of pants
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
