Cold hands, warm shart.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
