We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
