I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
