Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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