Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
