you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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