I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
