I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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