It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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