I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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