im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
