dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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