yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
