She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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