I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
