Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
