Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
