I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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