Just fell off a train. Bad.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
