Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
