I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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