had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
