I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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