Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
pray to the hookup gods
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
