im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
