You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize