Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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