wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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