dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
