So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
