Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
