He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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