ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
