i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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