I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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