1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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