We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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