remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
