I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
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You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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