We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
