I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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