I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
