people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
