i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize