Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
