It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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