I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
