I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
