capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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