One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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