i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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