I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
