soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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