halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
