An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
