i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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