looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
