you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
