AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
