I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
