i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
